Daddy is a superman

I've come to discover that in order to be a dad, you have to have the powers of Superman. Consider the following examples:

1. X-ray vision--a dad needs to be on watch even when you can't physically see your son or daughter. If you sense trouble, you need to be able to look quickly and assess the threat. You might need some assistance with a device, which I suppose makes you more like Batman than Superman, but why not fudge a little?

2. Super hearing--Even a toddler has enough sneaking powers to get into troublesome spots without making a lot of noise. You have to hear the slightest creak on a staircase or the silent slide of the steak knife drawer (which really should be secured some other way, shouldn't it?!?). Which brings us to the next attribute...

3. Faster than a speeding bullet--You see Junior from across the room, hall, gym or mall about to pull over a wobbly shelf or get down from some piece of furniture where the only landing is a crash landing. You need to be there in an instant. If you get their fast enough, nothing will happen. It's when you can't quite get there in time that the kid has a bump which starts a massive crying fit. You know the one where the first cries are silent, waiting for lung capacity and dramatic tension to build to bursting.

4. More powerful than a locomotive--Sure, your toddler can toddle along for a little while. Eventually he or she will tire and need to be carried back to home, the car, the hotel room, etc. Since the child is tired, most like he or she will fall asleep while being carried, which increases his or her weight by a factor of four. If you don't believe this violation of the laws of physics is true, ask any parent. If you are lucky, they will just tell you and not let you experience it for yourself.

5. Super-cold breath--How many times has a young one spit out a forkful or spoonful of food because the parent forgot to make sure the food was cool enough? Maybe you can't freeze a lake with your breath, but you'll need to put some chill on your chili.

I could go on and on, but you get the idea. So be warned and be ready if you become a father. You'll also have to become Superman.