Non-Zombie Scientific Experiment

Jacob has developed another scientific interest while going on our morning walks. We've started bringing Jacob's stroller on our walks since he often decides he is tired of walking anytime from one-quarter to three-quarters of the way through our walks. At that point he'd asked to be picked up and carried the rest of the way, which isn't so easy with a toddler in the mid-20s weight range. With the stroller we can push him the rest of the way home.

At the beginning of the walk, he likes to push his stroller himself. Even more than that, he likes to collect specimens of mulch, sticks, leaves, etc. in his stroller. Presumably he wants to take them home for some comparative analysis. From previous walks, we have quite a number of individual specimens by the front door and the garage door (where we ask him to drop the mulch, stick, etc.). Angie just discovered a specimen in the downstairs bathroom on the previously unused cup holder. It's a nice reddish piece of mulch, probably from the neighbor about eight houses down. He always collects a sample from that yard. I wonder how many other samples are scattered throughout the house...

Jacob has not disclosed what he is planning to do with or find out about the collected specimens. Also, his plan is somewhat foiled when we put him in the stroller because we clean out the seat before letting him sit. He still has one specimen in his hand usually, so it is not a complete loss.

We'd like to know what he is planning. It is hard to imagine what it will be, especially in our mentally weakened semi-zombie state. As a side note, Jacob tried to turn his cousin but she didn't stay long enough to succumb to his powers. See the attempt early on the morning of July 4 2009:


Let this be a warning to other friends and relatives who visit! In the words of Invasion of the Body Snatchers, "You're next! You're next!!"

How to build a zombie army in the 21st century

A new and frightening experiment has begun in our home. Jacob is trying to start a zombie army.

In the old days (before the 20th century), you'd use black magic or voodoo to raise a group of undead humans to do your bidding. In the 20th century things got out of hand with the advent of radiation-induced zombies (often by accident, so they were nobody's army, just shambling hordes bent on eating the living) or pharmacological zombies (why can't we just say no to drugs? Darn medical-industrial complex).

Jacob is experimenting with a new method. For the past couple of days, he gets up a couple of times in the middle of the night and then wakes up between 5 and 6 a.m. Angie and I are starting to crack under the strain of no sleep. We shamble around the house in the morning and try to make breakfast without making any mistakes, like OJ in the breakfast cereal or salt instead of sugar in the tea. Speaking of tea, I tried to drink from an empty mug this morning. The kettle was still boiling.

After breakfast, we shamble about moaning, "Sleep, sleep!" for most of the day. We hope he'll fall asleep and we can nap too, but he never lets us get household chores done while he's awake. So while he sleeps, we clean and cook and vacuum (he pretends that he's afraid of the vacuum cleaner) and make shopping lists. Just when we've got things done, he awakens and demands to be read to or have his next meal or go outside. He's making us docile and depriving us of our ability to think. Pretty soon we will be doing whatever he tells us. Maybe we are already...

Yes, sleep-deprivation zombies are the wave of the future. You could be next.